Teaching Boundaries: Violence is Not the Answer for Children

Singapore, Singapore Aug 24, 2026 ALN: Police are investigating an incident that occurred on August 15, in which a father was seen shoving a 73-year-old man after the elderly individual patted the father’s young daughter. The event has sparked discussions about personal boundaries, societal norms, and the implications of adult behavior on children's understanding of acceptable conduct.

While opinions on the appropriateness of the pat may vary, it is crucial to recognize that violence against an elderly person is not justifiable, regardless of the circumstances. Charlene Tan, a supervising editor at CNA Digital, has expressed concern over the potential lessons children may absorb from such confrontations. She emphasizes the importance of modeling appropriate responses to discomfort and conflict, particularly in the presence of children who are learning to navigate social interactions.

Children learn from how adults react

The concept of personal boundaries is not a new phenomenon; however, the methods through which children are taught to understand and articulate these boundaries have evolved significantly. In contemporary society, children are educated from a young age about their right to speak up when they feel uncomfortable. Primary school curricula often include lessons on recognizing appropriate and inappropriate touch, as well as identifying trusted adults to whom they can turn if they ever feel unsafe.

This proactive approach to teaching children about boundaries is increasingly important, especially in light of alarming reports of child abuse occurring in environments where children are traditionally believed to be safe. It is essential for children to understand that they are not obligated to accept unwanted contact, regardless of the intentions behind it. A gesture that may seem innocuous to one individual, such as a pat on the head, can be perceived as intrusive or uncomfortable by another. This divergence in perception underscores the necessity for both children and adults to communicate openly and respectfully.

A pat on the head means different things to older and younger people

Social norms and habits are subject to change over time; however, the pace at which individuals adapt to these changes can vary greatly. For instance, an older person who has always engaged in friendly gestures, such as patting children on the head, may not fully comprehend that some parents view such actions through a different lens. While these gestures are often well-intentioned, they can still infringe upon a parent’s established boundaries regarding their child.

It is important to recognize that labeling the incident at Roxy Square as merely a generational clash overlooks the complexities involved. Individuals of all ages have the capacity to learn and adapt to new social expectations. Older generations can certainly become more attuned to contemporary views on personal space and consent, while younger parents can articulate their boundaries without presuming malicious intent on the part of others. This mutual understanding is essential for fostering respectful interactions across age groups.

Within families, the need for clear communication about boundaries is equally vital. Parents may request that relatives refrain from pressuring their children into physical displays of affection, such as hugs or kisses. Children can be taught that it is not impolite to refuse unwanted physical contact, thereby empowering them to assert control over their own bodies and personal space.

Safer alternative gestures than a pat on the head

In the process of teaching children about boundaries, it is imperative to go beyond merely instructing them on what types of contact are acceptable. Children are observant and often learn by watching how adults react in situations where boundaries are crossed. When parents respond calmly and assertively to unwanted contact, they demonstrate that discomfort can be managed without resorting to aggression or violence.

This approach does not necessitate silence or inaction on the part of parents. Instead, they can intervene by moving their child away from the situation and explaining that the contact was unwelcome. It is important to note that the other person involved does not have to agree with the boundary set by the parent; however, they should still respect it. This teaches children that their feelings and boundaries are valid, and that they have the right to advocate for themselves.

Moreover, there are numerous safer alternatives to unsolicited physical gestures, such as a pat on the head. Adults can opt for non-invasive greetings like smiling, saying hello, waving, or offering a high-five, allowing the child to choose whether or not to engage. These small adjustments can significantly enhance a child's sense of agency in social interactions.

Boundaries don’t need violence to be respected

It is crucial for children to understand that their feelings of discomfort are entirely valid. They should be equipped with the knowledge of how to respond when their boundaries are crossed, whether that means saying no, moving away, seeking help, or confiding in a trusted adult. Parents can model these behaviors, reinforcing the idea that protecting one’s own boundaries does not require viewing every stranger as a threat, nor does it mean accepting unwanted gestures in silence.

A calm and reasoned explanation in response to boundary violations can achieve what violence never can: it illustrates to children that their boundaries matter, while also emphasizing the importance of respecting the boundaries of others. This balanced approach fosters a culture of understanding, respect, and empathy, essential components in nurturing well-adjusted individuals who can navigate the complexities of human interaction as they grow and develop.