Singaporean questions filial piety after giving his mum 20% of his salary for years

Singapore, Singapore Jul 11, 2026 ALN: A Singaporean millennial has recently expressed his growing regret over the financial support he has provided to his mother over the years, revealing that he has been giving her a monthly allowance amounting to 20% of his take-home salary for decades. This admission has sparked a broader discussion about the expectations of filial piety in Singapore, particularly among younger generations.

In a candid post on the Reddit forum r/singaporefi, the man reflected on the financial implications of his long-standing practice of supporting his mother. He noted that he has been doing this for many years, and recently began to contemplate the potential wealth he could have accumulated had he chosen to invest that money instead. "As a millennial, I have been giving for decades. But recently, I cannot help but imagine how much this sum of money would have helped my future self if only I had invested these monthly allowances into an ETF instead. The little amount that I had DCA over the years has seen a 45-50% growth," he shared, illustrating the opportunity cost of his financial decisions.

He recounted a pivotal moment from his early career when he managed to save S$10,000 within a year. However, his plans took a turn when his mother requested him to lend this money to his brother and sister-in-law to assist them in purchasing a home. Although the request was framed as a loan, the reality was that the money eventually became more of a contribution to the family's household expenses, particularly since he and his mother ended up living in the same condominium. This situation has led to feelings of resentment, as he felt his financial contributions were not entirely voluntary but rather expected.

"My mother and I did not have a place of our own to stay, so, in the end, the S$10k 'loan' became a contribution to the household. For a while, I also contributed to their quarterly condo maintenance. This has always been a resentment in me," he explained, shedding light on the complexities of family finances and obligations in Singapore's context.

Looking to the future, the man expressed a desire to break the cycle of expectation regarding parental support. He stated that if he were to have children, he would not impose a similar expectation on them to provide him with financial support as a form of repayment for raising them. "If I ever decide to have a kid, I would never expect them to have to 'pay me back' a monthly allowance for raising them. I jolly well be sure I can be self-sufficient when I am old and retire instead of having to rely on my kid’s monthly allowance," he declared, indicating a shift in mindset regarding generational financial responsibilities.

This situation raises important questions about the concept of filial piety, a deeply rooted cultural value in many Asian societies, including Singapore. Traditionally, filial piety emphasizes respect for one’s parents and ancestors, often manifesting in financial support or care for elderly family members. However, as societal norms evolve, younger generations are increasingly questioning the extent of their obligations and the balance between personal financial goals and familial duties.

“Give What You Can”

In response to his post, several users on the forum offered a range of perspectives, with some expressing criticism towards the author's complaints about his financial contributions. One user pointed out, "If you resent it, why did you choose to stay at their house? Poor people mindset, wants the best of everything but grumbles at everything. People like you need no help from us lar." This comment highlights a common sentiment among some individuals who believe that financial support should come with an acknowledgment of the benefits received, such as housing.

Another user echoed this sentiment by stating, "This makes no sense at all. If you and the mother do not have a house, you basically contribute 10k to live in a condo, and you complain about it?" Such responses reflect a viewpoint that emphasizes personal accountability and the importance of making informed decisions regarding one’s financial contributions to family.

Conversely, some users offered more empathetic advice, suggesting that the author should consider setting reasonable limits on his financial support. One user advised, "Give what you can.. you don’t owe your parents a living. Their generation is lucky to have us… How many of us will have that in the future? Most of us are single or DINKS (Dual Income, No Kids)." This perspective highlights the changing dynamics of family support in modern Singapore, where many young adults are navigating their own financial challenges.

Another user emphasized the importance of establishing personal boundaries, stating, "It’s important to set personal boundaries, at least this is a lesson learnt so moving forward you should make it clear that you’re not paying for their things." This advice points to the necessity of balancing familial obligations with individual financial health, a challenge that many young Singaporeans face today.

In a broader context, this conversation about filial piety and financial support intersects with ongoing discussions about the cost of living in Singapore. The city-state is known for its high living expenses, which can strain the finances of young professionals. As housing prices continue to rise, many millennials and Gen Z individuals find themselves in precarious financial situations, making the prospect of supporting family members while also striving for personal financial stability increasingly complex.

In related news, a separate issue has emerged within the Singaporean workforce, highlighting the challenges employees face in navigating corporate structures and employment agreements. A Singaporean employee recently claimed that her company’s HR department pressured her to sign a separation agreement tied to what she described as a "small retrenchment package." In her post on Reddit, she expressed concerns about the clarity of the agreement and the lack of guidance provided to her regarding its implications. This situation underscores the challenges that employees may encounter in their professional lives, particularly during times of economic uncertainty.

As discussions about familial financial obligations and workplace dynamics continue to evolve, it is clear that the values and expectations surrounding filial piety are being reexamined by younger generations in Singapore. The balance between honoring cultural traditions and pursuing individual financial goals remains a contentious topic, reflecting the broader societal shifts occurring in the region.